Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Stevens Report

(who's a pretty boy?)

The Stevens Report
by Jack Stevens
680 Margarita Ave., Coronado, California, 92118
for The American Dachshund Magazine, January, 1967

I was ignored by a Dachshund the other day, and it brought back memories of when our life used to be ruled by one of these sleek little monsters.  They all possess a couple of outstanding traits; stubbornness, and the ability to ignore.
They are never obvious in their ignoring.  They don't turn their heads, nor do they walk away.  Instead, they just sit and gaze pensively into space, and somehow or other you get the feeling that you really aren't there at all.
This is a good time to ruin what little chance you do have to eventual recognition by forcing the situation.  If you try to maneuver yourself into his line of vision, or try to pat him, you're a goner.  He will drift away, managing to seem unhurried and unruffled, but at the same time placing himself forever beyond your reach.  In fact, it will be as though a chasm of ten million light years had opened up between you.
To the initiated, however, there are certain ways to bridge this chasm.  It sometimes helps if you know his name, but then again its sudden use may embarrass him if he thinks he should have known you all along.  Better to have a morsel of people food handy, such as maybe, calves liver.
Such a bribe is always acceptable and considered to be in good taste; in fact very good taste indeed.  And, after its acceptance you will have but one major difficulty.  That problem will consist of how to get yourself unstuck from the little beast.

Unrelated early to mid-century photo source unknown.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

well said! i am always mortified when my Schatzie, the little darling,walks right past some well-meaning friend or neighbor exclaiming "Oh, what a cute little dog!" like he just cannot be bothered at the moment, he's late to an important meeting. I'm left actually apologizing for his rudeness, saying, oh, well...he's got his own agenda, I guess. He gets alot of attention in our neighborhood, being so cute, but he handles it like a pop diva avoiding the papparazzi.

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