Dachshund Poetry: Puppy Owners' Lament

Puppy Owners' Lament
by Shirley Glendenning for The American Dachshund, September, 1965; photo: unknown vintage.

First a thought, then a desire;
The action plied, result - Ball of Fire.
Warm and damp, soft as silk;
Eyes still closed, only food - milk.

Warmth starts to wane, dampness stays on;
Guess that it will; 'til he is gone.
Eyes open wide, mouth open too;
Either to scream, or to beg from you.

Crying by night, sleeping by day;
Makes poor papper's hair turn grey.
Pull grey hair out, almost give up;
When are you going to quit, little pup?

Almost we entered utter despair;
Almost we wound up without any hair.
At last - pup is sleeping, stone jug reprieve;
Very short-lived, there's more, I believe.

Wets on the floor, can't seem to learn;
This little action makes mommy burn.
Finally a newspaper provides a retreat;
And once again relations are sweet.

Now, will he go outside? No, indeed not.
He'll wait and he'll go to his newspaper spot.
Finally, conviction enters his brain:
He goes outdoors now without any strain.

Feed bill gets higher, puppy grows long;
Vet bills and worm pills claim part of my song.
He took the dog show, had a big spree,
Went to Maryland U., got a Dachshund's degree.

This is the saga of Rebel the pup.
Took a long time, but at last he grew up.
Rather have a puppy? Bright eyes all agog?
We say with fervor, "Thank God he's a dog!"

Two footnotes by Jack Glendenning, husband of Shirley:
"Stone jug reprieve." We finally got his night crying stopped by filling an old stone jug with real hot water and putting it in his bed. He curled up around the jug and we didn't hear from him until morning.
"Went to Maryland U., got a Dachshund's degree." We bought Rebel from a couple in College Park, MD., home of the University of Maryland. And it has been one of the jokes that I have only a bachelor's degree while my dog has a Maryland University Dachshund's degree.