Dachshund

For Immediate Release:  Dachshund, a press release from some time and place in the groovy 1970s, source unknown: 

I'm tired of being called a "sausage" and of hearing myself described as the ideal family dog because everyone can pet me at once.  As if the ridicule isn't bad enough, children have a habit of picking me up by my front legs.  That hurts!  I may look funny, but I'm not a wind-up toy that can be picked up any old way.